Brittany and John Nuttall Things about us Sat, 08 Apr 2017 04:36:10 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Clementine Joins the Family Sat, 08 Apr 2017 04:36:10 +0000 If I’m going to be honest, I was not actually prepared to get pregnant again so soon after Mabel. This was completely a surprise. It was a surprise we were willing to take the risk would happen, but neither one of us thought that it actually would happen. Getting Mabel was difficult and so we assumed the second time around would be just as hard. We were wrong!

The second pregnancy went by so much quicker than the first. Especially the beginning. The first trimester is never fun, but with the distraction of having to take care of Mabel, it went by much faster than I remembered the first time. I was also a lot less stressed out and more at ease with myself. It wasn’t until the last couple of months when it started to get really bad. The completion of Mabel’s pregnancy was great. It almost went by too fast! With Clementine, I couldn’t wait to get her out! It was so hard to take care of a growing toddler while also working and being sooooo pregnant. My back hurt much worse this time around and the heart burn was really awful.

Added to that, our house was undergoing some major reconstruction due to a flood that had occurred in November. We didn’t have a kitchen for two weeks and I was really stressed out. Our contractor kept assuring me that we would have the kitchen finished before the baby came. The day before the due date, our counter tops were put in and at 7 pm that night the kitchen sink went in and the final touches were all made. I joked with Marti (who had graciously come over to entertain Mabel for a bit) that it was a good thing the baby didn’t come early. I had felt some pains earlier the week before, but that night I felt pretty good. No cramping or any other signs. Having never naturally started labor before I wasn’t sure what to expect. Would there be a hint that things were going forward? In any case, I was done being pregnant. The next morning at 8:30 AM I was having my 40 week appointment and I fully intended on setting an induction date for later that week. I did NOT want to go over 41 weeks. We joked that I had to go into labor tomorrow. The contractor told us the house would be done by the time the baby would be here (i.e. the due date). John’s parents would be around tomorrow but would be leaving for a week the day following. John said, “No pressure, but everyone is expecting a baby tomorrow.”

In the early morning, around 5:30 am I noticed I was feeling some cramps. They felt vaguely like period cramps. I’d been in so much pain at the end of this pregnancy that it didn’t occur to me that they kept on coming back ever now and then until about 6:30 am. At that point, I got kinda excited. Maybe this was it! I went downstairs because I could no longer sleep through them. I played on the computer while I timed the length of the contractions. They didn’t seem very consistent. They were mostly about a minute long. Sometimes less than 5 minutes apart, sometimes 12 minutes apart. Some of them were really painful, and some of them weren’t. At about 7:30 am I went upstairs to take a shower. I thought I’d go into my appointment at 8:30 and the OB would let me know if I was in labor and how much I was dilated. I had been 3 cm dilated since 38 weeks already. John woke up about this time and asked what I was doing awake and in the shower. I told him I thought maybe I was in labor but no need to rush! I was handling the pain fine so it may be awhile yet. He said he would call my parents anyway  just in case (they were going to watch Mabel for us). I got out of the shower and put on my robe and had some cereal for breakfast. Mabel was there eating too and it was about this time that the pains started to get really uncomfortable. I made my way to the room. John was rushing around the house trying to finish packing Mabel’s things and running across the street to get the neighbors. Mabel was sweet and could tell that I was in a lot of pain. She was very quiet and would just watch me. I was in child’s post on the bed for what felt like forever. The pain was getting bad and I was moaning through each contraction. It felt like as soon as one ended another would begin. I wasn’t even bothering timing them anymore. The neighbors across the street made it over to watch Mabel until my parents arrived and John helped me out the door. This was around 8:30 am.

Sitting in the car was awful. John started to drive quickly as he could tell this was serious. I felt every bump and turn and told him to take it easy. When we got to the hospital the valet parking guy grabbed a wheelchair and wheeled me up to L&D. I was being very vocal. It hurt A LOT. Once the nurse got all my info they brought me to a room. She told me that I’d have to take off all my clothes in order to get checked. No problem. I flung everything off immediately. They checked me and told me I was at 7 cm and did I want an epidural. YES! I vaguely remember my dad coming in at one point to get the car keys from John for something. The anesthesiologist came pretty quickly I think around 9:15. It was all really a blur. The epidural helped a lot, but I could still feel a lot of pain “down there.” Once the epidural was placed the OB checked me and told me it was time to push. WHAT?! I had just arrived and was fully prepared to have a break with the epidural. I was already tired from dealing with the labor pains and did NOT want to start pushing. I wasn’t looking forward to pushing. I pushed for a long time with Mabel and it ended with a forceps delivery so I was ready for the long haul. I was feeling good enough to joke with the OB that I hope his office didn’t charge me for the appointment I missed. I pushed for about 15 minutes (it felt like forever) and was given another episiotomy. It burned! It hurt so much as she was coming out; I was so happy to have it over with. She was born on a rainy Tuesday at 9:40 am, only 4 hours after I had woken up that morning and on her due date!

John told me it was a girl! I was so happy labor was over and so happy to have another little girl. She looked SO different from Mabel that I honestly couldn’t believe she was mine the whole time we were in the hospital. She has her dad’s eyes while Mabel has my eyes. Mabel was completely bald and she came out with (what felt like to us) a ton of jet black hair. Who was this little thing that had stormed her way into existence? We agonized over a name for over 24 hours. We decided on Clementine Jane. I knew it would be Clementine all along. She was so relaxed in the hospital and seemed to take everything in with ease. Already so different from her sister. The grandparents and Mabel came to see us later that afternoon. I felt in shock still. The next morning we finally settled on a name and we went home.

We are now a family of four! I have to say that I had a hard time adjusting to having a new baby in the house. I felt incredibly guilty. That I couldn’t give Mabel all my attention any longer. I also felt guilty that I couldn’t give Clementine the attention I had given Mabel as a baby. The first month was really hard. Clementine is now two months old. She’s struggled with reflux, but in the good moments she gives us these huge smiles and I feel that, once she grows up, she’ll be the biggest smiley baby. I’ve finally adjusted to being the mother of two under two. Mabel isn’t very helpful (she’s still very young herself), but she shows no jealously towards her new sister. She seems to understand that the baby belongs with us now and likes to have her with her all the time. She won’t watch tv without the baby or read a book without her. I can’t wait to see them grow up together and play together.

Clementine, welcome to our family! We always knew we wanted more kids and you couldn’t wait to join us! You’re going to have an amazing time living life. We love you and want the best of everything we can offer. We love our little darling!


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Last visit to Maryland Mon, 20 Jun 2016 15:57:55 +0000 We made one final trip to Maryland before my parents move out to Utah. John finally got to see their home when there were leaves on the trees after 5 years of visiting only in December! Sadly, I did not take a lot of pictures on this trip. My mom is the picture taking whiz so when we’re together I feel even less motivation to take pictures. But here are the few pictures I have.

We had a great time visiting Washington and seeing Ford’s theater.

Mabel and Grandpa Bush

Mabel and Grandpa Bush

At Ford's Theater

At Ford’s Theater

Me and Dad at Ford's Theater

Me and Dad at Ford’s Theater


Even though Ocean City was cold and rainy, I feel like I see why so many people go there to have fun. I liked eating the French fries on the boardwalk even in the rain.

At the hotel in Ocean City

At the hotel in Ocean City

I took the a lot of pictures of our visit to Assateague Island. It was Mabel’s first experience with the ocean and she hated it. We could get her to stop crying until we were far far away from the water.



Sandy walk

Sandy walk



Mabel was a trooper in the carrier.

Mabel was a trooper in the carrier.


Ocean at Assateague

Ocean at Assateague

The famous Island horses

The famous Island horses

The last day was a great day spent at Gettysburg. It was beautiful outside although a little hot!

At Gettysburg

At Gettysburg

Driving tour

Driving tour

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Thank you Mom and Dad for the wonderful trip! We are so excited to have you move close to us!

Spring has Sprung Sun, 22 May 2016 21:10:52 +0000 Our little Mabel turned 9 months old yesterday. So it’s time for more pictures!


We had a great time celebrating Easter with Grandma and Grandpa Nuttall.

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The cats loved the bouncer. Especially when it was placed in the sunshine. Here is Ru enjoying it. Generally it was Monkey that you would find there.



Grandma and Grandpa Bush came to visit one last time before they  move to Utah! We had a fun time visiting St. George with them over the weekend.

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We saw several desert tortoises. Dad named this one “Bus stop.”


Daddy and Mabey are completely wiped out after a weekend of fun.


Mabel LOVES her daddy.


Aunt Julia came to visit


For Mother’s Day, we had Grandma and Grandpa Nuttall over. John and I made Korean food to the best of our abilities. It was our first time trying this and we thought it turned out pretty good. We enjoyed dinner on the floor in front of the fire in our stove. It was a lovely afternoon together!

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At nine months old, Mabel has two teeth on the bottom, loves her daddy, likes reading books, and enjoys petting the cats. She still cannot crawl, and we’re trying our best to encourage her to explore. She can scoot around the room a little. It was enough that she fell down the stairs for the first time today! We’re going to have to start keeping a better eye on where she scoots too!

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Nearly Spring 2016 Sat, 26 Mar 2016 22:29:12 +0000 We’ve had so a great last couple of months. So many people have come to visit us. We love having a home where people can come and visit and feel comfortable. We love seeing all our family and friends! Here are some highlights from February and March.


My parents came to visit in February. We are excited that they will be moving closer to us in the future!


Mabel started some solid foods in February. She’s already getting less on her face and more in her mouth.


Grandma Nuttall loves our Mabey. She give her so many hugs and kisses, and stories and songs. We are so lucky to have John’s parents so nearby.


We celebrated Ellis’s 39th birthday together.


Mabel is just not interested in rolling over. Here’s John and Ru trying to give her some tips. She’s rolled over a handful of times, but for the most part just likes to lay down or sit.


Our squish turned 6 months. It’s gone by so fast already, but I also feel like she’s been with us forever.





Jasie came and visited us twice within the last two months. We love having her visit!



I got a haircut and then the stylist curled it for me. You’ll never see it like this again.


Our little goblin.


]]> Around the house January 2016 Mon, 08 Feb 2016 17:40:58 +0000 This month has been surprisingly busy for us. But busy in a good way.

We’ve had some wonderful friends visit us. First we had the Kimber and Craig Chafin stay with us an entire weekend. We enjoyed having them over! Then Jasie stayed with us for a few days. We’re so happy to have this house and that we can now host people!

Here are some pictures from the month:

Sometimes we go on a family walk around Lions Park near our home. Mabel usually falls asleep.


The Provo temple open house has begun. Mabel and I have already been twice!IMG_0361

I caught John singing to Mabel one night. She loves music and especially listening to her dad sing.IMG_0362

Skimbleshanks doesn’t really care for the baby, but she’s very interested in him!IMG_0386

Here is Callan showing his gameboy to Mabel. He was so good with her.IMG_0388

Happy Holidays 2016 Sat, 30 Jan 2016 20:19:02 +0000 Mabel’s first Christmas was mostly fun for us. We will be excited when she finally starts to understand what is going on around her. She got to meet her cousins for the very first time and they were so nice to her! Even though she was being a bit crabby 😉 Poor Aunt Amie was such a trooper and held Mabel during the entire Christmas Eve fireside. Both John and I were participating so Amie was stuck with the baby and she just cried the entire time. Thank goodness for understanding and loving Aunts! We spent a beautiful snowy Christmas day with John’s family.

The next day we left to spend the time with my family. Mabel did great on her first plane flight! As usual, we spent nearly the entire break recording music. But we also went to Washington DC and caught a cold!

We are so lucky to have such wonderful families that love us!

[See image gallery at]

I love fall! Fri, 27 Nov 2015 04:58:48 +0000 I love the fall season. Maybe I’m biased because it’s also the time of my birthday, but I just love September through the end of December. So many things are going on and we are so busy but it’s the best kind of busy.


Birthday lunch at Sundance

Birthday lunch at Sundance


Mabel’s blessing


She loves getting her diaper changed


Ru loves the diapers!


Long day of shopping


Movie and game night with Eric and Emily




Proud godfather and father at the Springville Art Museum


Bean Museum Halloween party. We enjoyed taking our little zebra to all her first Halloween celebrations, but she did NOT like wearing the costume.





First snow of the year didn’t come until mid November!



Preparing Thanksgiving food


Grandma Nuttall playing with Mabey


Turkey butt


First time on daddy’s shoulders! She looks a little nervous


We prepared a “veggieducken” or “squaleekotato.” It was a butternut squash that had a yam and leeks inside surrounded by stuffing. I have to say that the stuffing was amazing. The squash was cooked but the leeks and yams were not. Next year we will be sure to cook them ahead of time.




Happy birthday month to me! Happy anniversary to John and me! Happy Halloween! And Happy Thanksgiving!

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Mabel joins the family: Part 3 – The birth Sat, 07 Nov 2015 23:47:51 +0000 As luck would have it, John had recently been hired at a new job. He started his work on Monday and our induction was scheduled for Friday. On Tuesday that week, I had another doctor appointment. They told me I was 3 cm dilated an 70% effaced. Great news! However, the nurse in charge of the study was worried that I wouldn’t make it until my scheduled induction on Friday, so we changed our induction date to Thursday instead. I picked up my mom from the airport Wednesday afternoon. Wednesday night John and I cried together and prayed that everything would go smoothly and that we would adjust to our new life with the baby.

I’m so glad that John recorded a timeline of events because I would not have remembered everything. My mom was here for the whole thing. My mother-in-law stayed until about 10:00 PM before she decided to go home. Everyone was a huge help to me in the delivery room.


6:30 AM – Arrive at the hospital – We were really nervous but excited. I got dressed in the gown they hooked up my IV and put on all the monitors. Baby seemed to be doing well.


8:05 AM – Pitocin administired. The monitors started picking up contractions shortly after that: about 4/8 minutes

10:17 AM – I started feeling the contractions but they were extremely weak.

approx 12:00 PM – starting to feel a little uncomfortable. Like having mild period cramps

1:00 PM – still the same. John put on Star Trek Voyager for me

2:00 PM – fell asleep

3:10 PM – Doctor came in to say that they were going to break my water. I didn’t feel any pain when they did this. There was a lot of water and John said my stomach visibly got smaller right away

3:35 PM – I can actually feel the contractions now! But they still don’t hurt much

4:15 PM – Contraction pain has increased but it’s still not too bad

4:45 PM – Contractions hurting more. I don’t ask for pain meds yet. I was just so happy to finally start feeling something after going all day feeling practically nothing.

6:15 PM – The hospital staff changes and I get a new nurse and doctor

7:45 PM – The pain is now unbearable. I finally give in a request an epidural.

8:10 PM – The epidural is administered. I felt better almost immediately. My left leg went completely numb

8:35 PM -slept

9:10 PM – given a catheter. I was dilated to a 5 at this point

10:15 PM – dilated to a 7

1:30 AM – dilated to 10. Finally! The nurse suggest we “rest and descend” before pushing

2:30 AM – Started pushing

4:55 AM – Doctor called to assist

5:10 AM – The doctor told me that I had been pushing for so long that he recommended using forceps or a C- section. I had been pushing for nearly 2.5 hours, but the baby was doing fine so I wasn’t sure why he wanted a C section. I was tired yes, but I was willing to go on. I decided on the forceps. I suppose it was because of the forceps but I was immediately given an episiotomy. There were a couple of contractions that I wasn’t supposed to push on. This was really hard because the pressure was intense. The doctor inserted the forceps and said that they went in easily

5:25 AM – It’s a girl! It was such a surreal experience. She started crying before she was completely out. I was so happy that she was here safe and sound at last. We were in shock that she was a girl! We were expecting a Felix/Arthur and instead ended up with a Mabel/Margaret/Clementine. She was 8 lbs 2 oz and 20.5 inches long.

The doctor was sewing me up while I held her. I don’t even remember delivering the placenta. I had a second degree episiotomy.

After a little while they moved us up to the next floor where we would be staying. I hadn’t had anything to eat or drink the entire labor and I was THIRSTY and HUNGRY. Mom and John brought me drinks and cookies and crackers and I was so happy. I initially went into the nursery with the baby and John to watch her first bath and get her shots, but I started feeling very faint so they took me to our room. I passed some very large blood clots and asked for pain meds. I fell right asleep. It wasn’t until later in the afternoon that we finally decided on her name: Mabel Iris. We spent the night at the hospital that night. The doctor said we would probably stay another night, but I was finally released Saturday evening.

It’s really hard to describe how I felt. I felt a lot like I had no idea what I was doing. I felt exhausted and in pain. I felt like I wanted to hold her forever. I felt like I just wanted to eat and sleep. I couldn’t believe that she was my baby. She was beautiful! The cutest baby I had ever seen.

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I want to do everything right for her.

I sometimes get asked if I like being a mom. Yes, I do, but it’s so normal. Not that I know what I’m doing, but so normal. Like this is just part of life. I feel so fortunate to have her. I love just holding her and looking at her face and admiring ever little detail.

I think I’m finally getting used to having a baby around. I can’t say that everything has been great. About a month after she was born we moved into our new house. I wouldn’t recommend starting a new job, having a baby, and moving all within a month and a half to anyone, but I can’t complain really. We’re so lucky that everything worked out; and, less than 3 months in, I think we’re finally settling into our new life.

Welcome Mabel! I love you so much already and we look forward to getting to know you better and having you with us forever!


Mabel joins the family: Part 2 – The Pregnancy Sat, 07 Nov 2015 23:44:39 +0000 John came with me to this appointment as I didn’t want to be alone like I was the last time. I wanted his support in case anything happened and I was too emotionally distraught to think clearly. I remember sitting in the waiting room and feeling so sick to my stomach. I was surrounded by all these hugely pregnant women. I wanted to be them with all my heart, but I was bracing myself for the worst. When we finally got called back the nurse was super cheerful and congratulated us on the pregnancy. I immediately burst into tears. John had to explain to her that I had a miscarriage before and I was already spotting in this pregnancy. The OB noticed that I was a basket case and John filled him in as well. The doctor was so kind and immediately went to see if the larger more accurate ultrasound machine was available. He said he wanted to skip straight to the ultrasound to put my mind at ease. The larger ultrasound would be more accurate and would be easier to spot the embryo. They put me on that table usually reserved for women later in pregnancies and the tech start probing my stomach.

It was then that she paused, and zoomed in. I could see it. Very small and faint, but there it was! A teeny tiny little heartbeat. My own heart stopped. I was able to calm down a little. Our baby was alive, at least for now. I made it farther than the last time. John was so happy and didn’t understand why I wasn’t more relieved. I was, but the embryo was measuring one week behind what was expected. The OB assured us this was probably ok. That the heartbeat was measuring on target. But what about the spotting? They had no explanation about that. Sometimes women just bleed a little. I went home more relieved than before, but still a nervous wreck.

We had to wait 5 weeks until the next appointment since the baby was measuring a week late. They didn’t want to see me until I reached 12 weeks. Those 5 weeks were awful! I did continue to have nausea. I couldn’t eat or even smell certain foods. The worst thing was I developed a huge aversion to popcorn. I LOVE popcorn! John and I would eat some nearly every day. The best thing was that I also hated meat. That made John so happy. All I wanted was huge salads and lots of them.

The bad thing was that I spotted frequently. It was bright red blood on a regular basis until it stopped at around 11 weeks. At my 12 week appointment, with John at my side, the OB easily found a heartbeat on the doppler. Our little embryo was still there! At 14 weeks we had officially reached the second trimester. My nausea didn’t completely subside until about 16 weeks. It was around that time that I finally felt confident enough to tell my supervisor at work.

The second trimester went by relatively fast looking back on it. But I still felt scared all the time. When I was 14 years old, my mom had a second trimester loss at 20 weeks. I still felt like I could lose this baby at any moment. I was very careful not to do anything that I saw may increase that chance. Stupid things that don’t make sense. For example, I didn’t want to do any exercise aside from light walking or I wouldn’t drink any ginger ale. I had a strong ginger ale to drink the day I started spotting with my last pregnancy. My brain attributed that drink to losing the baby so I tried to avoid it.

I started feeling the baby move around 16 weeks. If I had to describe it, I’d say that at first it felt like my abdominal muscles were twitching. Like a small spasm. I think John felt the baby for the first time shortly after that. Feeling movement was great because it reassured me that the baby was alive. I still worried about the frequency of movements. This baby was fairly active, but any movement I felt was a huge relief.

At our 20 week ultrasound, we decided not to find out the sex of the baby. This was a choice we had talked about before we got pregnant. I really didn’t care if was a boy or girl. I just wanted a baby so I wasn’t worried about any sort of gender disappointment. John wanted a girl but mostly because he worried about raising a boy that would behave like he did as a teenager. I figured, whenever we found out, it would be a surprise and that it wouldn’t be hard just to wait 4 more months. We wanted gender neutral items anyway. Neither one of us like how babies are labeled so clearly as BOY (blue plz) or GIRL  (team pink!) even before they are born. We were pretty certain that this baby would be a boy. John’s brothers have 10 children between them all and only one is a girl.

Baby profile

I hit the 3rd trimester around the time that my sister Amanda was getting married. It was around now that I started accepting the fact that I was going to stay pregnant. I was clearly pregnant at this point anyway. So I’d have to say that I enjoyed the 3rd trimester most because I felt the most at ease. Physically, I was mostly all right. I had started experiencing bad pelvic pain around 16 weeks. This would last until the end but it was livable. It mostly just made it hard to walk around too much.


At around 33 weeks I bled again. Right before I went to bed I went to the bathroom. When I wiped there was a lot of bright red blood. I yelled for John and we decided that I would call the OB’s on-call nurse. When I stood up, a lot more blood came trickling down my legs. The nurse told me to go to Labor and Delivery right away. We hoped in the car and away we went. I was actually not feeling too nervous about this. I felt that if the baby was born then it would still survive. The hospital hooked me up to all the monitors. Baby was fine, I was having mild contractions but probably because I was dehydrated. They couldn’t explain the bleeding but it looked like it was stopping. The next day I didn’t bleed anymore.

After that experience, I realized that the baby could come RIGHT NOW and we had nothing ready. We had no baby items. No car seat. Nowhere for the baby to sleep. No names picked out! That’s when it started to sink in for me. We were actually going to have this baby!

At my 36 week appointment I was approached by a nurse. She said she was part of a study that was researching labor induction. They wanted to see how it affected mother and baby. She wanted to know if I was willing to participate. They needed first time mothers only. There were two study groups: one that would be induced between 39 and 40 weeks and the other would be allowed to go into labor naturally (unless otherwise recommended by the doctor). I couldn’t decide if I wanted to participate in this study. Current convention does suggest that inductions do lead to more interventions, including a C-section. But as I did my research, I found that no study had actually measured this to be true. It took me two weeks to think about, but John and I finally agreed to participate. After my 38 week appointment I was called up and she told me I was put into the induction group. We decided to schedule my induction for August 21st, four days before my due date.

Mabel joins the family – Part 1 The Sad Part Sat, 07 Nov 2015 22:55:28 +0000 We are so excited to have Mabel in our lives. We had been hoping and dreaming of the day when we could welcome a child into our family. I’d like to write her birth story here so I won’t forget it, but, since I’d like to start from last year, this may be a long story.

In 2013 we decided that we were ready to start a family, but it wasn’t until February 2014 that I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited, but extremely nervous because I knew the risk of miscarriage at this early stage. Shortly after discovering I was pregnant, I started spotting. It was dark brown blood and it was very little. This lasted off and on until my first appointment at 8 weeks. I went in feeling really nervous. I hadn’t had many pregnancy symptoms and the consistent spotting was a bad sign. They brought the little ultrasound machine in and I could tell the moment I saw the screen that something wasn’t right. The doctor then told me that there was a sac, but no visible embryo. Given that I should be 8 weeks along and my cycles were very regular, he told me that this pregnancy was a blighted ovum: the embryo had ceased to develop but the sac had continued to grow. He gave me a few choices: let my body miscarry naturally, go in for a D&C, or take a medication that would start the miscarriage process at home. John was at school and I sent him a message with the news. After that, I can’t remember who I talked to because I just went home and cried. And cried.

After talking it over with John, I decided to take the medication. We wanted to start trying again as soon as possible and I didn’t want to wait to for my body to figure out it wasn’t pregnant anymore. I got the afternoon off at work so I could start the medicine. It took all day for it to start, but when it did it was extremely painful. I had about two hours of awful pain that caused me to vomit several times. It was mostly over after that. Days later I was still passing large amounts of tissue so I took another dose. The second time around didn’t hurt nearly as bad as the first.

We started trying again right away, but emotionally I was in a lot of pain. I hated every pregnant woman I saw. I was jealous and very sad that it was so “easy” for them. To make matters worse, someone I knew announced their pregnancy at 8 weeks: just one week after I had my miscarriage. I watched her grow larger and cried as her pregnancy progressed. I should have been happy for her, but I wasn’t.

After a long time I finally started to feel less angry. My friend had her baby. I was still raw, but I was better. Her baby is still my “marker baby” for that pregnancy.

It wasn’t until December of 2014 that I finally got another positive pregnancy test. I had been taking my temperature religiously for about 6 months trying to track when I was ovulating. I took the test on the very day I was expecting my period. The only time my period didn’t come exactly when I had expected was my last pregnancy. I was so excited to get a positive! I didn’t get to see John until later that day. And it was later that day that I started spotting…again. I was so sure that my period would just start that it wasn’t until a few days later that I finally told John. And then we began the waiting game once more. I continued to spot a few times a week. During Christmas I was visiting my family and began to feel morning sickness. This was about 6 weeks into pregnancy. The feeling was so strong that I actually threw up once. I was overjoyed! A symptom! I never felt sick with the last pregnancy. My first appointment with the OB was at 8 weeks pregnant. The spotting, however, continued and was not improving. In fact, it seemed like it was getting worse. I was now spotting bright red blood. The nausea was still there, but not as strong as it was over Christmas. I went into my appointment early in January expecting to hear bad news.