Mabel joins the family – Part 1 The Sad Part

We are so excited to have Mabel in our lives. We had been hoping and dreaming of the day when we could welcome a child into our family. I’d like to write her birth story here so I won’t forget it, but, since I’d like to start from last year, this may be a long story.

In 2013 we decided that we were ready to start a family, but it wasn’t until February¬†2014 that I found out I was¬†pregnant. I was so excited, but extremely nervous because I knew the risk of miscarriage at this early stage. Shortly after discovering I was pregnant, I started spotting. It was dark brown blood and it was very little. This lasted off and on until my first appointment at 8 weeks. I went in feeling really nervous. I hadn’t had many pregnancy symptoms and the consistent spotting was a bad sign. They brought the little ultrasound machine in and I could tell the moment I saw the screen that something wasn’t right. The doctor then told me that there was a sac, but no visible embryo. Given that I should be 8 weeks along and my cycles were very regular, he told me that this pregnancy was a blighted ovum: the embryo had ceased to develop but the sac had continued to grow. He gave me a few choices: let my body miscarry naturally, go in for a D&C, or take a medication that would start the miscarriage process at home. John was at school and I sent him a message with the news. After that, I can’t remember who I talked to because I just went home and cried. And cried.

After talking it over with John, I decided to take the medication. We wanted to start trying again as soon as possible and I didn’t want to wait to for my body to figure out it wasn’t pregnant anymore. I got the afternoon off at work so I could start the medicine. It took all day for it to start, but when it did it was extremely painful. I had about two hours of awful pain that caused me to vomit several times. It was mostly over after that. Days later I was still passing large amounts of tissue so I took another dose. The second time around didn’t hurt nearly as bad as the first.

We started trying again right away, but emotionally I was in a lot of pain. I hated every pregnant woman I saw. I was jealous and very sad that it was so “easy” for them. To make matters worse, someone I knew announced their pregnancy at 8 weeks: just one week after I had my miscarriage. I watched her grow larger and cried as her pregnancy progressed. I should have been happy for her, but I wasn’t.

After a long time I finally started to feel less angry. My friend had her baby. I was still raw, but I was better. Her baby is still my “marker baby” for that pregnancy.

It wasn’t until December of 2014 that I finally got another positive pregnancy test. I had been taking my temperature religiously for about 6 months trying to track when I was ovulating. I took the test on the very day I was expecting my period. The only time my period didn’t come exactly when I had expected was my last pregnancy. I was so excited to get a positive! I didn’t get to see John until later that day. And it was later that day that I started spotting…again. I was so sure that my period would just start that it wasn’t until a few days later that I finally told John. And then we began the waiting game once more. I continued to spot a few times a week. During Christmas I was visiting my family and began to feel morning sickness. This was about 6 weeks into pregnancy. The feeling was so strong that I actually threw up once. I was overjoyed! A symptom! I never felt sick with the last pregnancy. My first appointment with the OB was at 8 weeks pregnant. The spotting, however, continued and was not improving. In fact, it seemed like it was getting worse. I was now spotting bright red blood. The nausea was still there, but not as strong as it was over Christmas. I went into my appointment early in January expecting to hear bad news.

 

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